Totally Awful: A Comprehensive Guide to the Worst of the Worst

Introduction

In a world where mediocrity abounds, it's easy to get caught up in the mundane. But for those who seek the truly abysmal, this guide will serve as your beacon of despair. From the utterly loathsome to the downright heinous, we've scoured the depths of human experience to bring you the most revolting examples of what's totally awful.

Chapter 1: The Nadir of Entertainment

• Movies That Make Your Brain Melt:

  

  • "The Room" (2003): A masterpiece of unintentional hilarity, with its wooden acting, nonsensical plot, and infamous spoon scene.
  • "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" (2008): Giant, rubbery birds terrorize a sleepy town in this unintentionally hilarious cult classic.
  • "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" (2009): A battle royale between two colossal sea creatures, featuring cheesy special effects and a complete lack of logic.

• TV Shows That Rot Your Soul:

  • "Jersey Shore" (2009-2012): Reality TV at its most vapid, showcasing a group of boorish, self-absorbed partygoers.
  • "The Bachelor" (2002-present): A prolonged and painfully awkward courtship ritual that's devoid of genuine emotion.
  • "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (2007-2021): A boring and self-indulgent chronicle of the lives of a wealthy Armenian-American family.

Chapter 2: The Depths of Fashion

• Outfits That Make You Cringe:

  • Leggings as pants: A fashion faux pas that defies all logic and common sense.
  • Sweatpants in public: Appropriate for the gym, not for running errands or attending social gatherings.
  • Crocs: Rubbery, hole-filled shoes that make you look like a garden gnome.

• Hairstyles That Give You Nightmares:

  

  • The mullet: A business in the front, party in the back abomination that's making a comeback, much to our dismay.
  • The Karen haircut: A choppy, feathered 'do that screams "I want to speak to the manager."
  • The rat tail: A small, thin tuft of hair left long at the back of the head, resembling a rodent's tail.

Chapter 3: The Cesspool of Cuisine

• Foods That Taste Like Despair:

  • Mystery meat: An unidentified substance that vaguely resembles meat, often found in school cafeterias and cheap restaurant meals.
  • Liver and onions: A pungent, bitter dish that's an acquired taste, if it can be acquired at all.
  • Spam: Processed meat product that's excessively salty and can't be differentiated from its can.

• Drinks That Make You Gag:

  

  • Natto smoothie: A fermented soybean concoction that's slimy, bitter, and not for the faint of heart.
  • Durian milkshake: A fruit-based beverage that can clear a room with its pungent, sulfurous odor.
  • Milk and orange juice: A bizarre combination that's said to curdle in your stomach.

Chapter 4: The Sewer of Social Etiquette

• Behaviors That Make People Avoid You:

  • Constant complaining: A relentless stream of negativity that's draining and off-putting.
  • Oversharing: TMI (too much information) that's inappropriate and uncomfortable for others.
  • Talking too loudly: A sign of disrespect and poor self-control.

• Manners That Make You Want to Vomit:

  • Burping and farting in public: Gross and disrespectful habits that should be confined to the bathroom.
  • Spitting: A disgusting and unhygienic practice that shows a lack of class.
  • Chewing with your mouth open: A horrifying spectacle that makes others lose their appetites.

Chapter 5: The Abyss of Personal Hygiene

• Blunders That Make You Unattractive:

  • Bad breath: A turn-off that results from poor dental hygiene or certain foods.
  • Body odor: An unpleasant smell that's caused by excessive sweating and lack of deodorant.
  • Dirty fingernails: A sign of poor hygiene and can indicate an underlying health condition.

• Grooming Mistakes That Make You Want to Run:

  • Overplucked eyebrows: Thready, uneven eyebrows that make you look startled or angry.
  • Fake tan gone wrong: An orange or streaky tan that's more comical than attractive.
  • Long, untamed nose hair: A unsightly and unhygienic situation that should be trimmed regularly.

Table 1: The Most Awful Movies Ever Made

Table 2: The Most Revolting Fashion Faux Pas

Table 3: The Worst Foods and Drinks Ever Invented

Story 1: The Horror of the Room

Tommy Wiseau's 2003 film, "The Room," has become a cult classic due to its abysmal acting, nonsensical plot, and bizarre dialogue. The story follows Johnny, a successful businessman who suspects his fiancée, Lisa, of cheating on him with his best friend, Mark. The film is filled with unintentionally hilarious scenes, including a spoon fight, a plastic football game, and a memorable line from Johnny: "Oh hi Mark."

What We Learn: Even the worst of films can become a source of entertainment if they're bad enough.

Story 2: The Disastrous Wardrobe Malfunction

In 2002, pop singer Britney Spears performed at the MTV Video Music Awards in a flesh-colored bodysuit that left little to the imagination. The outfit was a fashion disaster, revealing more than she intended and leaving the audience in shock.

What We Learn: It's important to wear appropriate clothing that doesn't reveal too much or make you look unprofessional.

Story 3: The Offensive Breath Incident

During a 2013 political debate, a candidate was caught on camera with extremely bad breath. The stench was so overpowering that it caused his opponents to gag and reporters to leave the room.

What We Learn: Good dental hygiene and mints are essential to avoid embarrassing situations.

Tips and Tricks

• Embrace the Awful: Sometimes, it's okay to indulge in the worst of the worst for comedic or ironic value.
• Avoid the Obvious: Don't choose the most popular bad things just because they're trendy. Seek out the truly obscure and terrible.
• Be Selective: There's no need to consume or experience everything that's awful. Choose a few horrendous things that you can truly appreciate.
• Share the Awfulness: Spread the joy (or misery) by recommending awful things to your friends or posting about them online.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Trying Too Hard: Don't force yourself to enjoy something that's truly awful. If it makes you uncomfortable or repulsed, it's okay to skip it.
• Being Mean-Spirited: While it's fun to poke fun at awful things, it's important to avoid being cruel or disrespectful.
• Becoming Habituated to the Awful: Don't let your love of the bad stuff become a habit. Balance out your consumption with some quality and enjoyable things.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Entertainment Value: Awful things can provide a lot of entertainment and laughter.
• Social Bonding: Sharing the experience of something truly bad can bring people together.
• Cautionary Tales: